The Role of a Russian Woman in a Russian Man’s Life

There are too many of us, and people use us for an intended purpose, to be specific, either in the kitchen or in bed.

Modern society “assigned” us to stay in the kitchen, as well as to look after a certain “patient” lying on the couch. Furthermore, it is considered happiness when you get a “disabled person” to look after, at least you would be alone… If a Russian woman is alone, she is a loser. This was also defined by society. No matter which one, but there must be a man in a woman’s life. It doesn’t matter if he drinks, or gets violent, or sits on the couch the whole day while he’s unemployed. The main thing is that there has to be a man…

The role of a Russian woman in the life of a Russian man is always underestimated. Tradition, culture, and society have determined this once and for all. A Russian woman is most often like a garbage bag. There are those who insert the remaining plastic bag from
“Pyaterochka” into the trash bin, and there are those that only fit the trash bin with branded trash bags. Rarely have I met “dignified” relationships where Russian men are looking for a life partner. A man who wants a strong woman by his side should be ready to take it one step higher.
Ever since I was young, I wished to be a partner for my man. I was not interested in being “behind the stone wall”, moreover, this stone wall caused me a state of anxiety. I didn’t want to be behind the wall with a person close to me in spirit, who is interested in my world, and I in his. I wished for the wall to be nonexistent.

So, in most cases in traditional Russia there are two types of relations between a man and a woman. The first one is a woman behind the stone wall, and the second one is in a burning hut and a galloping horse. The partnership filled with equality and validation, between a man and a woman, is a very uncommon case. What a pity.

Why are such partnerships in Russia difficult? Apparently because Russian men are divided into two distinct types: earners and “mama’s sons”. Furthermore, women are divided into two types to match the above. As you know, we have a problem with the “middle”. Hunters are always macho, pronounced individuals, chauvinists at heart, looking for a woman, according to the tradition, for procreation. These are, first of all, traditionalists who love the slogan “Mom is beautiful, dad works”. They do not want their woman to work, because deep down they do not trust her. Not in the sense of believing her, but rather of thinking like this: “Well, what kind of a man am I if I cannot support my woman, and how would I send her to work now, if she is a) beautiful, b) not clever enough, c) the one who provides comfort, care, and other
“sandwiches” at home?

People judge by themselves. Including men. Men are logical creatures, and the logic is as follows: “Women’s logic, the ability to live and think, is so perplexed that I’d rather do everything myself.” A man imagines for a second how his woman would refill the gas in their car, and he already feels anxious from such thoughts. Skinny,  slim legs in nylon tights and   on thin stilettos, grabbing a pistol with petrified hands… A cold, piercing wind whips across her face, fingers go numb… No, of course, my woman shouldn’t do this.

However, how can a man cope with the idea that his woman, for instance, could be a member of the directors’ board of some serious company? How to get over it? Even “a man without flaws”, Batalov,  could not come to terms with the idea of Alentova being the director of the movie “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”. It is unpleasant for a Russian man!!! It’s uncomfortable. Therefore, he automatically sends his woman “to run home errands”.

Why is a traditional Russian man uncomfortable with a woman who is a domineering employee??? I mean, he probably can deal with it, however, it would be difficult for him to love. Originally, a man simply does not understand which goat to drive up on. Of course, it is much easier to love a submissive, beautiful doe. Moderately stupid. To the extent that her stupidity can be somewhat entertaining or charming. I know a lot of men who love silly girls. They are both attractive and entertaining for them. “Oh, my beautiful flower, you are so silly, but still so cute.”

A woman — a domineering employee a priori can trigger anxiety and worry in a traditional Russian man. For him, her position may sometimes be unclear. He may also feel confused about his position. Who is he to her? After all, every man subconsciously defines his role in a relationship with a woman. For some he is a “daddy”, for some a teacher, for some a patron. And believe me, the last thing that a Russian man represents in a relationship with a woman is that he is her partner. For a Russian man, partnering with a woman is non-erotic, they do not

excite him, they are just “meh”. “Meh” is when there is nothing to hit or shout for, or not to knock on the forehead with his dick. For a Russian man, partnership implies “deep respect”, and this hardly evokes erotic feelings in him.

For some, this might be a revelation, but it was the situation described above that strengthened my decision to  emigrate. I left Russia at the   age of 19. Not because I couldn’t find a man (I had a myriad of relationships), but because I always wanted a partner. As a result, I   found him, only much later. When I discovered the “good material”, I immediately proceeded to  neutral territory to  develop a relationship in a kind of vacuum. Without overseers, spectators, advisers, moralists, and any other “nice” people.

© Masha Lopatova