How Is Life in America Different than Life in Russia?

People often ask me, how is life in America different compared to life in Russia? To be frank, I don’t really like to talk about it, because comparing sour with square is not an easy task. That’s why I aim to never compare anything or anyone — not myself with others, not my kids, not my men, not even countries, where I’ve lived. And let me highlight this — the desire to compare is one of the biggest problems which does not let us love ourselves and be happy. Today, I’ll try to indirectly touch upon the issue of comparing two cultures and explain why is it impossible to do so.

People and countries are defined by culture, tradition, and religion. We believe that people represent the countries. This is true, but first they are represented by children, to whom parents and grandmothers say: “Oh, just look at how dirty you are, go clean yourself! What would people say when they see you like this?” And people will say: “Oh, what a dirty boy came to school!” This is where all the problems start… with such phrases that initially seem harmless.

Nowadays, Russia is going through a serious cultural shift, especially when it comes to communication, behavior and socialization. The foundation of this shift lies in the traditions of a collectivist country, and the need to adapt to the terms of market economy, specifically the ability to be a representative of an individualist culture. In Russia, there are no traditions of individualistic culture, thus the transition happens to be challenging. For now, everyone is just learning. Studying individualism tends to be difficult, because there are only a few living examples, therefore everyone acts on a whim.

For those who has no idea on ​​what’s at stake, I will explain. The collectivist mentality is a steam locomotive which flies forward and stops in the commune. The individualist mentality is a person driving his car to the office by himself. Yes, we probably already learned how to drive our own car , but thinking differently (rather than collectively) — not yet! Because all the behavioral patters and contemplating we inherited from our collectivist parents and grandmothers, whose personal interests were overruled by the public ones. In everything! Personal interests are overruled by anyone, except one’s own self. This is the mentality of eternal self-sacrifice, when the result can be accomplished only by the value of this idea. This can be traced everywhere, starting from the family and ending with the coach’s commands (if you do not show the result, you will let the country down). This reminds me of my friend’s story, who was an olympic champion. When she prepared for the Olympics, her main thought was: “Either gold or suicide.” And this was serious! She was ready to kill herself if she did’t win the gold medal!

One of the major defining traits of Russian people is the inherited historical trauma. Practically in every person’s anamnesis, there is a relative who either was destroyed or repressed. Prison, torture, execution, death are all a part of history of every Russian family. Death and deprivation are considered to be the norm (being absolutely abnormal in the context of the world picture). This has become a massive historical psychological trauma, the consequences of which we are still facing. Basically, the result of this trauma is an inferiority complex. I’m not afraid to make such a blunt diagnosis of the whole nation, because why else every question such as, “why is it like this with us?”, the answer is always, “What? You think America / Germany / Finland is better???” As a matter of fact, no one should care how bad it is somewhere else in order to feel good where they are. This is the manifestation of an inferiority complex. Hence, until Russia won’t start dealing with all its psychological problems, we will gradually go towards self-destruction in diverse ways.

To summarize, Russia’s problems are rooted in obsolete and inherited collectivism as well as the severe historical trauma. The result of such an inheritance is a permanent anxiety syndrome, worrying about children and tomorrow, attachment to money as a healing bandage, nepotism and theft, and as a consequence – dysthymia (sluggish depression), alcoholism and other types of addiction.

My conclusion is that psychotherapy would be highly beneficial for every Russian individual. What also needs to be pointed out is that we inherited our hesitant attitude towards psychology. It’s not easy for someone to accept that they need a psychologist, when their family would send any of the relatives to a psychiatric facility merely with the slightest signs of neurosis. There is nothing to be afraid of now. In fact, therapy is recommended to everyone, at least as a preventive measure.

© Masha Lopatova