We should all be feminists

Probably many people remember how Maria Grazia Chiuri released her Dior models on stage wearing T-shirts with this very inscription. So, I wanted to tell you “where the legs grow from”.

“We should all be feminists.”

Yes-yes, exactly feminists, referring to both men and women. The faith of female power should come not only from a woman herself, but from a man as well. To be honest, the lack of faith and pretense from a man’s side towards me has made me feel unsettled for a while now. I cannot say that I am the heroine of the book by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi from Nigeria, but it was her story that awoke the desire in me to write this text. Battling male chauvinism on a daily basis has become an integral part of my life.

Not one confident man can feel threatened by a woman, no matter what she is: “a woman with eggs”, “stupid chicken”, an old maid, a nerd, or even a smart beauty. I would certainly put myself, without any modesty, in the “smart beauty” category, and while my heart is beating, I will fight with men and prove ultimately that I am not a camel. It is much more difficult for a woman in society than for a man, because society has assigned a specific location to a woman – the house and the kitchen. Thus, women are not among the public most of the time. However, there is a rare case when a woman appears in public (not in the “spotlight” though). As soon as a woman has gone outside the “house-kitchen” shell, a gang of chauvinists rebels and immediately puts a label on her. They want to determine what did not suit her at home, and they start thinking of the reasons, such as the absence of a man, the assumption that her husband does not give a fuck (one of the most common beliefs), “weird bitch,” or too abstruse. Men immediately try to defeat such women: some men aim to fuck them without putting any thought into it, and other men simply choose not to notice them.

A Russian woman is considered ideal if she constantly pretends to obey her man – this is the kind of deception that works in all aspects of life. Therefore, at work, what a man can get away with, a woman would never get away with. A modern woman cannot demonstrate her strength with impunity. A working (not a housewife) woman must very precisely, very-very precisely (as opposed to a man) demonstrate her leadership abilities, otherwise she would be recognized as a “bitch”. In the same position, a man would never be distinguished as a bitch. When a man reveals his emotions, he is just a man, but when a woman does, she is a hysterical creature! It’s harder for women!And the higher the career ladder, the fewer women there are. I wonder, why?Probably because women are dumber. This is what chauvinists would say, but I would phrase it differently. There are merely a few women “upstairs”, because men destroy them while they are aiming to get up there. Nonetheless, women that are too successful are always a threat to men.

A feminist has existed for a long time in our country as a concept, but it does not always have a good connotation. For primitive people, a feminist is, as a rule, an unhappy woman, who cannot find herself a man. And who are you if you have a man? “The Happy Feminist”? This is exactly how Chimamanda regards it ironically on the pages of her book. Why did I witness an overlap between African and Russian culture on this very issue? Because in our country, as well as in Nigeria, until recently, the attitude towards a woman was very similar. Yes, Russian people, please forgive me for saying this, but we are not far from the development of the consciousness of third world countries. Yes, there are already some improvements, and maybe a woman who enters an expensive hotel alone (unaccompanied by a man) is no longer considered a prostitute, as in Nigeria.

I have been living in between two countries for about 15 years now, and I feel the influence of different cultures very strongly. Here is a key comparison: if in America a woman lives for herself, in Russia she lives for a man. Starting with the fact that she does not wear clothes she likes or feels comfortable in, rather, she wears something a man would like, in her opinion. That is why our women seem luxurious to American women. Russians know how to do it, but American women don’t, and they don’t need to. They are self-sufficient, and men love them not because they are always accompanied by “wow” women, but rather because they are soulmates.

Is a traditional Russian man looking for a soulmate? And vice versa? It is not clear at all who the Russian man is looking for! Yet, this is the topic for the next posts.

I, as well as the author of the book, usually get accused of having a
pro-western perspective. Raising our daughters, we tend to pay a lot of attention to what boys think of them, and what sort of impression girls should give to the male gender in general. However, we care very little about the opposite: what impression should a boy make on a girl? Why don’t we teach boys how to be liked by girls, yet we constantly emphasize to our daughters that they should not be aggressive, or angry, or even scoundrels. And every women’s magazine tells us what to do to please a man, and merely few magazines tell men how to please a woman. Chimamanda writes about this in her book.

Consequently, the family success is always placed on the shoulders of a woman. And not because she is a hearth keeper, but because we ourselves have taught men not to take care of their hearth, not to guard it, and, like a woman, to maintain fire in it. The days of men going hunting are over. Meat can be obtained without leaving home. Therefore, the author proposes to start living in a modern reality, where responsibilities should not be divided according to gender. She claims that we can create a more honest world if we begin to raise our boys and girls differently.

We teach our sons to not be dreadful of fear, weakness, and vulnerability. We teach them to be a “man”, we teach them to hide their real feelings — even if those are real feelings of weakness! — and we continue to emphasize that if you are a boy, you should not be afraid, you should not worry! But why?! This is unnatural! Are you in pain? Are you crying? You’re a boy – boys don’t cry!Yes, we are taught to mask our emotions from a young age, imposing a certain model of behavior, invented by someone unknown, and for an unknown reason.

What happens to young men at an older age then? This is the time for the manifestation of their masculinity, which directly becomes related to their professional and, consequently, their material realization. And if a man doesn’t earn a lot, then what??? Did he fail? Is he a lame man? Ugh!
The problem of gender shifting at the beginning of the 21st century is obvious. And now the author proposes to raise children in a different matter during this “new time”. Instead of focusing on the child’s gender, why not focus on the ABILITY of each individual? Right now, we can lay the foundation for what in 30-50 years would bear the fruits for a full-fledged society.

And yes, a feminist is not an unhappy woman. It is a PERSON, who believes in social, political and economic gender equality!

Author: Masha Lopatova