How I Stayed in America (Part 31)

Varvara was sent to the hospital. This is a rule: if a child in an orphanage gets sick, it is mandatory to send him to the hospital. There he would receive all the proper care. However, Varvara did not return for a long time. Twice a week I came to visit Artyom, and we already became

friends with him. It was late August, and all the kids were playing outside in the yard. Artyom was the calmest. Nonetheless, other kids were very active; they called me “mom”. And every time I arrived, they would start twisting around my feet, touching my clothes, and saying: “Mommy, take me too!” I talked with them as adults and said that I could not take all of them, because the teacher would not allow me.

Then, they would run back and shout joyfully: “Artyom has a mother, Artyom has a mother now!” Artyom was indeed ready for the fact that he had something that he did not really know about — a mother. He did not remember his real mother, and the closest people in his life were the nannies and mentors at the orphanage.

During one of my visits, I decided to find out what happened to Varvara and went to speak with the director of the orphanage.

–Tell me honestly, is she all right?

–We do not know, the hospital does not give us any information.

–Well… How long will she stay there, do we even know?

–No, there is no information.

It seemed to me like there was some kind of catch. Naturally, I thought about the worst thing…

–Tell me, can I first take Artyom, and then, when Varvara recovers, take her?

–No, unfortunately, the rules are that brother and sister cannot be separated, and you will have to wait for Varvara to return.

I continued to visit Artyom, but Varvara never returned. At one point, I just thought she was dead. On the street, the leaves turned yellow, and I kept sitting in the garden with Artyom. Without Varvara.

One beautiful sunny autumn morning, the bell rang. “The distributor of children in Moscow” called.

–I know that you wanted grown-up children, but here I have a girl, a baby who got refused, would like to come see her???

–Yes, I’d like to come. I am leaving now to your office, so you can give me a referral for seeing her.

Indeed, to see a child, you must get a referral. You can’t just come.

I ended up in the building of an old kindergarten, which, in fact, is considered a department of the Filatov hospital, where children, who are refused by their mothers, get sent. They brought me a bag with a small blue-eyed doll. I took her in my arms and began to move towards the exit.

–Lady, where are you going???!!!

–Home. Something’s wrong???

The head doctor laughed in my face:

–You are so funny! First, we have to fill out all the documents, I have to tell you the medical history, and then you can pick the baby up. Come tomorrow, I will prepare a package of documents for the court. I take it you liked her?

Now, reminiscing about that moment, I would like time to stop. At least for half an hour. Just to feel it even better. After all, it was the most important moment in my life. The baby in my arms was MY baby, without actually being mine. This is a strange sensation that few are given to experience. God, how pretty she was!!! She was like an angel.

Quiet, calm, tiny angel.

The next day I brought her home. During the day, I prepared everything for the baby: we had a children’s room, and there was still a baby bed from Stepan; the rest — diapers, carriers, bottles — I bought in a few hours. I put the baby on the bed, undressed her, changed diapers, and just sobbed while looking at her for the next two hours.

“How can I love you?” – I thought …