Jealousy — the Most Pointless Idea

I grew up in the family of a professional athlete (my dad — the world champion of everything on this planet), and let me say this right away: if you could find the inner strength and accept the way it already is, later it would become much easier. Practice makes perfect. Daughters of plumbers deal with offensive comments on Facebook not as sentimentally as, for example, spoiled daughters of a cardiologist.

It might seem that living with a physically attractive, wealthy, strong, and well-known man is difficult. It’s not. The difficulties of such existence are exaggerated by those who either could not obtain one or simply passed by a man like that.

I was probably ten years old, when my mom explained to me for the first time what jealousy is. The explanation was short and precise: jealousy is the most pointless idea. You just have to be confident in yourself. Not in him, but exactly in yourself.

I took her advice into consideration. And that’s why I perceive any female that surrounds my husband as a good comrade, a pretty female, a wise person, but not as a threat. Throughout my life, there were “suiciders”, who aimed to trigger negative emotions in me. They provoked me in multiple ways, behaved disrespectfully, crossed many boundaries, assertively sought his attention with their Bambi eyes. At some moment, they began to entertain us with Andrei. Just imagine how fun it is — observing different ladies falling in love with your husband. Obviously, it is kind of a complex entertainment like bullfighting, but I learned to deal with it.

I’m happy that athletes are becoming a trend again. In the Soviet times, they were real stars. However, after the USSR crushed, and our sports world went down from the position “ahead of all the planet”, women had nothing left to do but fall in love with heroes — bandits and then businessmen — of a new terrifying era. Nonetheless, currently the sports world has taken over again, and women have become obsessed with sportsmen, even if their businessman-husbands are still alive. Nowadays, the most desired men are hockey and soccer players. Basketball guys too, but only in small circles. There aren’t many Russian girls, who would not be afraid to jump into bed with a 2 feet tall man and get something out of it. Ironically, with their scary-looking faces, basketball players are actually very nice inside. The most important thing is to be the first one to make a move. Luck is a reward for the bravery. Sportsmen usually mature early. Boarding schools help them to get used to life without parents’ constant care. Athletes, from a very early age, tend to not sleep at home. Subsequently, they aspire to build a family very early on and thus have their own home. They also tend to marry their girlfriends — who are older than them — quite frequently. Sometimes, a woman might even have a child from a first marriage, but it wouldn’t bother them. Furthermore, athletes are not afraid to marry an ex-stripper, a dancer, or a cheerleader — these guys can relate to these women’s exciting spirit.

The questions like if their bride comes from a good family, or if she’s
well-educated, do not concern them that much: they also don’t usually have any significant family roots, and they only got good grades in school as a reward for winning competitions. People admire athletes not for their mind, but also not for their humongous biceps-triceps, as some of you might presume. People love them for their soul — risky, resilient, and fun. Such a tender and kind animal melts in a mouth, and in hands too. And let’s not forget that physiologically they are extremely attractive.

It is impossible to quickly paint a portrait of an athlete’s wife. Because each of their wives is different. There are ordinary wives — the ones who don’t follow as closely their husband’s career and aren’t into sports in general (sometimes they don’t even know the rules of the game — oh my, oh my, what a disaster!). To them, the games of their spouse is a reason to dress up and chat with their girlfriends throughout the whole game period. Some wives don’t even see the point of attending the game, claiming, “I’m just always so worried, so worried!” In my opinion, this is a lie — they are just not interested in sports.

Once, I was sitting next to a woman like that — she was taking the first steps in a relationship with a basketball player. The least to say is that her precious mouth would not close the entire game, because she suddenly decided to discuss everything unrelated to the game, but it also turned out to be mind-blowing for her that the players were moving on the field in a certain manner. I explained to her that any attack is played in accordance with the combination that needs to be learned (in the NBA, there are about eighty of them). She clutched her head while saying: “No way! I thought they were just running back and forth, and that’s it.” Soccer players also tend to have girlfriends like this one, who would not be able to explain what is offside, especially the artificial one. However, many of these women can cook a delicious borscht, and they always bring their children to extracurriculars on time. And this is much more important, trust me.

Yet, it is possible to reach a different level if mutual love gets established. Such special women understand that their spouses would stop to perform in the foreseeable future, and the family would start having regular busy days like the rest. Women who realize this, participate in their husband’s career development. They are always there for them, the couple becomes even closer during the tough times, and these women fearlessly take matter into their own hands when the husband is terminating his sports career. There are not a lot of women like that anywhere, but I still know a few personally.

There is a statistic in the US that declares that 60 percent of marriages of professional athletes crash during the termination of their career. Why? Well, first of all, the life routine becomes totally different. Athletes are people of regimen, they’ve lived following a certain schedule since they were children. Get up, eat breakfast, go to practice, take an afternoon nap, eat lunch, go to another practice, head to sleep. And here, they suddenly get a lot of free time which they spend together with their spouses and find out many critical aspects about each other — and not all of them turn out to be quite appealing.

In reality, an athletic career is merely a stage, which occurs on the way to an actual adult life. Titles, achievements, trophies is a trampoline with an inevitable landing. Then, honestly, you’re still wandering around; the key part is to come to a point where you need to be. The woman’s task in this moment is to lead her man in the right direction, awake his desire and passion towards anything except the fun starts. This would be the moment when you’d figure out if you possess the talent of being a real wife. Because you are exactly the one, who knows his weak and strong sides best. I personally believe that after years of being happily married to an athlete, a wife subconsciously acquires a career of a sports psychologist.

It is essential to acknowledge what and in what form a wife is saying to her loved one. Yes, Olympic athletes aren’t that educated, but a tough wording can hurt them. I remember my terrible mistake, when I shouted to my husband, “Andrei, gather yourself together!” as he was walking to the changing room after the first half of a poorly played game. Maybe it seems like an innocent phrase, but I got in trouble for saying it. He explained to me in great detail, that when the game isn’t going well, it’s better to stay quiet. “Don’t you understand, that I myself understand that I need to gather myself together?! I try to do everything in my power, but something is still going wrong”- he replied to me. From that moment, I control every word I say.

Looking back at the past, I recall how thirteen years ago we moved to America. Back then, to prosper in the NBA seemed like an impossible task for a Russian athlete. Russian basketball players were never honored as much as, for instance, hockey players in the US. Despite the star status of my husband (in 2001, he was recognized as the best player in Europe), across the ocean his career started from scratch, with a novice status — the rookie. He even had to face some light hazing from the senior players. I emphasize the word “light”. It was all civilized, yet the “”Soviets carry their own pride” perspective was necessary to set aside as far as possible.

I already loved Andrei endlessly, but seeing his passion, diligence, unparalleled work, penetrated me to him even more. We became “unbearably close” — that’s how I would call the result of our American tour.

Despite the fact that I am eight years older than my husband, I don’t act like I’m his mother at all, although I always call him “the eldest” as a joke. From the first day, I was certain that he would succeed. I knew that he was doomed to success. His performance seemed to have no limits, and a little luck and self-confidence, which I instilled 24/7, were added to it. Three years later, he signed the most lavish contract.

Athletes more than anyone else need attention – from fans, from women, and from the media. Yes, I sometimes have a feeling that Andrei is being torn to pieces, but — from our wedding day — I perceive my spouse as a national treasure. It seems to me that he belongs equally to everyone. He is, of course, with me, but I always generously share his company with others. I would recommend following such model to any wife of an athlete. When your loved one is “under the gun” of all mankind, it makes no sense to react sharply to signs of attention from diverse individuals. One thing is mandatory – make sure that he can cope with all this. Here your help is crucial – you need to stay cool and not aggravate the situation in any way.
Not all wives have enough self-confidence to remain unbothered by foolish questions on a regular basis. Sometimes, they try to control their husbands in a primitive female way, with questions like: “Where are you? Have you already eaten? Who did you go to dinner with? Are you back in the hotel room? Are you asleep?” It seems to me that a woman – any woman, not just an athlete’s wife – should not do this.

There is also another aspect. An athlete, who is unable to control his behavior, has a lower chance to have a successful career. Merely guys with iron discipline and strong work ethic reach real heights. Therefore, the wisest decision is to let your man be who he is and love him for that. And if “just this” is impossible to love, then it is not worth staying with such a man, there is no need to waste your and his energy.

Many athletes’ wives devote all their free time from caring for their husbands to working on their body image – their lives include beauty salons, solariums and so on. Of course, this is necessary, but it is not enough. We need to work on the content even more seriously than on the form. Unfortunately, many spouses of the Olympians become their nurses and caregivers. Perpetual injuries and irregular working hours of their husbands leave an imprint on the wives’ lives. But don’t forget that the essence of any athlete is a mindful competition. Every day they face various challenges that they are ready to accept. Do not be surprised if at some point he himself challenges you — it is advisable to be in good shape to immediately give a proper defense.

Okay, I confess, I sometimes catch myself thinking that I care for my husband more than for my kids. Andrei still does not know where the sugar is stored in our house. I pamper him like he is made out of crystal or belongs to some kind of rare species listed in the Red Book. In vain, of course. I mean, what else can I do? After all, he was the standard-bearer of the Russian national team at the Beijing Olympics! He’s probably special. But he could have known where the sugar is stored! Or there’s no point?

© Masha Lopatova