LIFE
How I Stayed in America (Part 12)
The elk, my loyal friend, was not the only one with whom we found a common language. I met a married couple who, like us, were expecting their first child. Andrei went on a work trip, and they invited me to dinner. I almost arrived at their house, and Nick met me at the gas station, drove me to McDonald’s and asked what I would like. “I’ll have Fillet-o-Fish,” I replied and almost burst into tears. An invitation to dinner in Utah turned out to be something different from an invitation to dinner in Russia. We went to their small apartment, took our sandwiches paired with some fries. They turned on the basketball. I don’t remember how the evening ended. I remember that I was reminiscing of “Mario” restaurant on Klimashkin. Fast food is a very common form of eating in America. Especially in the hinterland.
Especially where it is customary to have six children.
Utah is a special place on planet Earth. Even after residing in Salt Lake for ten years, I still cannot articulate what Utah is. First of all, it is a super-conservative state. Second, the official religion of the LDS (Mormon) determines all the laws by which this state develops. In spite of everything, in ten years, Utah has progressed in terms of its evolution.
Most recently, Salt Lake was recognized by Forbes as the most favorable city for doing business in America. It’s fantastically safe here.
Furthermore, it’s clean. There are no traffic jams here. There is no black population here. No one is in a hurry. The people here are humble, meaning they have modest needs and demands. Some individuals are very rich here, but they are practically invisible. Merely few people know that it was exactly in Utah, where the World Perfect was invented (later sold to Microsoft), the game Mortal Kombat, the Zamboni ice machine (although hockey is not popular here at all), and even television.
The Mormon religion is about close-knit families with several children, which is why there are more playgrounds per capita than anywhere else in the world. As our nanny Olga, who immigrated to Utah from Ufa, said, “the Mormon religion is very close in its essence to the Communist Party.” By joining its ranks, you automatically become a member of a society that provides certain benefits. Only two things are required from each person: to work well and attend church on Sundays, where it is necessary to pay church tithes. This is a kind of unspoken rule that is almost automatically excluded from the paycheck. Paychek is a salary that comes every two weeks. In return, the church “guides” you through life. Young families are helped with both words and money. Immigrants, who join these ranks, are given money for groceries and promoted faster career-wise than other non-Mormons.
Mormons are wonderful people! I have not met a single “bad” Mormon. Perhaps I was lucky, surely there are jerks everywhere. However, in general, these are the sweetest, most patient, polite, restrained people, who are always ready to help. And yes, no one has ever tried to convert us to the Mormon religion. Mormons respect other religions and are confident in themselves. They would be happy to discuss their rules and explain why their religion is the best, but they would never offer to switch one’s preferences. At 18, every Mormon boy goes on a mission to a different country in the world. During this mission, he joins the local Latter-day Saint church and preaches in a foreign language. He serves there for two years. Upon his return, he immediately marries, because sex before marriage is prohibited. As a rule, the family already has someone in mind as a bride. The culmination is when marriage takes place in the temple, which is a building that looks like a castle. Not everyone can get married in a temple. To do so, you need to be considered a “purple” Mormon and maintain an excellent reputation!
I am aware that the Mormon religion tends to be associated with polygamy. To the delight of many and the disappointment of a few, polygamy was abolished at the end of the 19th century. Modern Latter-day Saints’ religion not only prohibits polygamy, but also suppresses any attempt of adultery. Real Mormon families are tight.
Having lived in Utah for ten years, I can differentiate a Mormon from a non-Mormon at a glance. There is something special about their appearance. It’s impossible to describe. Pallor, lightness of the skin, a certain transparency, and discreteness in everything. They don’t swear, nor drink alcohol, nor smoke, nor even drink Coca-Cola. Caffeinated drinks are forbidden. Yet, they are very fond of sweets, especially ice cream. Behind the scenes, Utah has the largest per capita ice cream consumption.
Ah, I almost forgot! Mormons wear garments. This is an exclusive VIP Mormon underwear. It can never be removed! You are required to sleep, swim and have sex in it. This protects one’s body from everything, something like a cross for the Orthodox. As my longtime Mormon friend, Mary, claims, “By wearing this clothing, we aim to show God that we respect and value our body. I would call it a symbol of respect. Just like Muslim women wear burqas, we wear garments. But we wear them not over clothing, but under it, in order to not reveal to others whether we are religious or not. In fact, other people shouldn’t care if you tend to be religious or not at all. It is something that should remain only between you and God.”
We owe the Mormon religion to the two companions — Brigham Young and Joseph Smith. They are outstanding people, who pioneered the
Latter-day Saint religion. Joseph Smith took part in writing the Book of Mormon and published it. Brigham Young lived later and had already implemented the provisions described in the Book of Mormon into an organized religion.
Oh, by the way, many individuals tend to assume that Mormons are a cult. From a classical point of view, it isn’t. Mormons believe in Christ as their savior. There is, however, one remark. They believe that Jesus was resurrected, appeared in front of Joseph Smith on American soil, and appointed him as his prophet.
Few people know that it was ten years in Utah — perhaps the most religious state of America — that made me a classic atheist. Curtains close.
