Yes, there will actually be no toys!!! Kidding. There will be toys, just sort
of different ones. Like the real children’s toys, scattered around the
house!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tell me, was there ever a time when you saw a couple, who would be in
a hurry to get married while simultaneously understanding that things
would not work out in the best way possible? Of course, you\u2019d answer.
And why? Most likely, you haven\u2019t thought about this deeply, so let me
do this for you. Trust me, various family psychologists have been
brainstorming on this topic for quite some time now and have already
shared their discoveries with Domokhozi. With your permission, let\u2019s
put aside the financial hurdles, domination, and domestic violence for
now. Instead, let’s try to think above all this, in the context of the
modern world and progressive mind. Let’s leave the \u201cbream\u201d outside
the threshold of this resource \u2014 after all, we are \u201cbroad-minded\u201d.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf One of the main reasons of irreconcilable conflicts in the family,
that could be resolved in therapy is the condemnation of one
partner against the other. It is trite, you might say. Yet, try to dig
deeper. The one who condemns pursues a certain goal \u2014 this
person wants their partner to change. The accused expects the
accuser to calm down. If such a model is present in young people
at the beginning of a relationship, then the chances of a happy
union are reduced to almost zero. This model demonstrates the
deeper problem of the accuser. To be precise, the inability to
accept your partner as he\/she is. Before trying to change your
partner, ask them the question: are you ready to change? If not,
DO NOT get married! In fact, why aspire to change something in
advance that ultimately would never change??? Because you
think you can? Then understand that you are alone in this boat
and do not involve your partner there, who told you that he\/she
doesn\u2019t wish to change.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf The couple can sense that each one of them is individually
unfulfilled, and only together they can be 100 percent. The phrase
\u201cI miss you\u201d is good, of course, as a beautiful wording and a way of
expressing the emotion of desire to be close to someone. If the
absence of a certain person physically and mentally hurts you,
then this is, unfortunately, a deviation. This is a \u201cbad\u201d love,
destructive instead of constructive. I always say that even
mathematically 50 + 50 is much less (worse in a relationship) than
100 + 100. Between a relationship and the idea that you yearn a
partner to feel fulfilled, you automatically burden them. By this
way, you make your partner responsible for their own moral
health. The idea of a single whole is utopian or, if you prefer,
romantic. And romance, as you know, is a delicate, short-lived and
deceptive matter. Eventually, someone would stand with their feet
on the ground and wash the dishes, clean up the poop and vomit,
wake up before dawn to go to work and see their boss’s stupid
face. Therefore, the theory of the \u201cmy other half\u201d, which is
supposed to make you happy, is great but rather for movies,
poetry, books, and other virtual realities.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf The inability to honestly assess your partner\u2019s behavior, justifying
his actions with the words like, \u201cwell, he is just like that\u2026\u201d. First of
all, it would be helpful to understand what does \u201cjust like that\u201d
even mean? Are they hiding their true feelings from you? For
example, a partner doesn’t want children. He is not ready for this
or, in principle, does not like kids. During your life, you most likely
would have to accept it and not have children with this person,
because you cannot change his attitude towards children. So,
before the wedding, you should conclude whether you know
everything about your partner or not. I have met many couples in
which a woman is ready and wants children, but a man is not
ready and does not accept this fact even within himself, yet aims
not to upset his spouse and still make her happy. Make her happy
instead of making both of them happy! In the future, a woman is
doomed to lack of support in raising their offspring. The result is
disastrous: accusations, rupture. A man, as a rule, retires in such
cases, and a woman remains a single mother.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf Anything that\u2019s more important than your relationship. Work,
family (parents and other relatives), friends should not stand in
the center or in front of the interests of your relationship. Of
course, there are emergencies that require an increased attention
(illness of a relative, for example, would be a responsible project),
but this should be temporary. If a partner is completely immersed
in a certain situation, and your family is secondary to him, it is
worth asking yourself \u2014 why??? Why do other factors override the
value and significance of the family? What are you avoiding and
for what reasons?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf One of the partners believes that he sacrificed himself and
became a victim. For instance, he put his career aside for the sake
of his children or his partner’s career. When deciding to sacrifice
yourself, this should be YOUR PERSONAL decision, and your
partner must approve of it. I am not sure that such a formulation
of the question would satisfy another. No sane person would want
to live with the feeling that someone sacrificed themselves for
him. And those who would like it are just sadists. Therefore, when
making a decision, it should only be your choice, and the results of
it should be disentangled by you personally, rather than by both
you and your partner.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u25cf The lack of emotional and physical intimacy is a bad sign. If you
love each other, then why would you avoid intimacy? Why would
there be an alternative to the latter??? Do you desire to be
intimate with another person? Emotionally wise too? Then say
goodbye to your partner. In any case, it would be the beginning of
an end. If your best friend is your most loyal partner, then why
does someone else receive the best you have?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In conclusion, I would like to say that a healthy relationship between
two people implies personal independence from each other as well as
emotional individual peace and mutual respect for each one\u2019s point of
view. Otherwise, if the model of behavior is built in such a way that the
other partner should dominate, then the first partner would gradually
be \u201cerased\u201d and broken. This would lead to an imbalance in the
relationship, and it would lose all the meaning. Here, in fact, other levers
of restraint would arise, such as children, for example. However, you
should always remember that children tend to grow up and leave their
parents\u2019 house. Would you be ready to be alone with each other after 20
years of marriage??? If yes, then get married!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Author: Masha Lopatova<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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