Our USSR moms raised us with the idea that when we grow up, we turn into males\u2019 victims and thus become happy. Strange how we never asked moms how happy they are while existing as victims. Yet, let\u2019s not blame moms \u2014they are just ordinary women, who gave birth to their children. How could they teach their kids anything about self-love without loving themselves \ufb01rst? Let\u2019s try and \ufb01gure out where the thin line between true self-love and egoism is, or worse, egocentricity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s start off easy and de\ufb01ne the difference between egoism and egocentricity. An egoist is a person who constantly demands attention as well as public approval and admiration. As a rule, this person\u2019s self-esteem is low, that\u2019s why it\u2019s necessary for this egoist to feel supported in order to get rid of any self-doubts. This, of course, is primarily an indication of inferiority and self-unful\ufb01llment. Self-ful\ufb01lled and con\ufb01dent person does not require a lot of attention, moreover, he is so ful\ufb01lled with himself (i.e. in a good way) that he is willing to share this wonderful feeling with the rest of the world. This individual is never dependent on the approval and admiration of others. Furthermore, excessive attention from others can cause him a sense of unease. Egocentric individual is like a drug addict, who feeds off other people\u2019s energy due to lacking his own. Heightened egoism can be the result of a childhood trauma (seeing a therapist might be bene\ufb01cial), as well as the notorious pampering of parents, who failed to formulate the actual values for their kid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At times, egoism is a child\u2019s protest against his parents and their views on how to raise their offspring. Many aspects get established at home, and this is exactly the place where you can raise an individual, who would be
self-con\ufb01dent and so whole that his only natural yearning would be to share this wholeness with the world. With this would come kindness, and with the latter would come love. It is dif\ufb01cult to discourage a holistic person, and he would not even react to any of his friends\u2019 teasing, because he exists on a completely different level of development. A person \ufb01lled with self-love can always stand up for himself and would never give an opportunity to others to offend him, for his love would defeat even the ill-wishers. For them, this battle would be unequal, since their swords would become powerless, for the person who loves himself \ufb02ies way higher than where they stand at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This all sounds too lyrical, you would say, where is the didactic material though? We want to love ourselves, what to do then? Where is the textbook from which we can learn? Let\u2019s begin\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Start with positive thinking, however, avoid perfectionism. Striving for perfectionism is another unhealthy form of egoism. Doing something perfectly, better than anyone else\u2026 What for??? Unless you\u2019re dancing on a pole, then everything is clear here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Find your strongest traits and develop them.
Try not to blame yourself for any past actions \u2014 not everything that happened is your fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Avoid people, who constantly point out your weaknesses. We all have them, including those who point them out. Be above such people, part with them. Communicate and stay friends with those who make you better \u2014 to put it simply, with the person who causes the manifestation of your best features \u2014and you would be able to transform all your actions only in a positive way. It may not always be easy, but the result is tangible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stop making yourself a victim with your man, children, and parents. With a man, quit being a person de\ufb01ning his realm of service. You are not a maid, a cook, or a teacher. You are a woman, a person, who loves to receive pleasure and knows how to do so, either with a man or without. For your man, you must become the universe rather than a biological robot, a vacuum, or a washing machine. You don\u2019t have to play with your kids, if you\u2019re not interested. You don\u2019t have to take care of your parents, if it is dif\ufb01cult for you, and you\u2019re merely doing it out of a sense of duty. Every therapist would tell you that you don\u2019t owe your parents anything. It was their choice to have you, they knew what they were going for, therefore, expect the same from your children in the future. Raise them and let them go, love them from a distance, don\u2019t continue loving yourself. If you truly love yourself, you wouldn\u2019t feel any self-pity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Surround yourself with similar people. Look for them, for those like you, who are \ufb01lled with freedom and self-love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A man\/husband shouldn\u2019t make you happy. It is great if it turns out that way. But primarily, you should be the one who makes you happy. This internal sense of happiness is exactly what self-love is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If the de\ufb01nition of love is the emotional necessity to be with a person, then self-love is the necessity to be in touch with yourself and be content with it, that\u2019s why people who love themselves \ufb01nd it much easier to love others.
I always say that in order to understand how much you love yourself, try looking at one\u2019s own self, like at a stranger whom you just met. Did you like this stranger? Would you want to live with yourself, be friends with him\/her?No??? Then this is the answer. Try to become the one with whom you would be comfortable. Work on your weaknesses, eradicate them, and cultivate your strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a9 Masha Lopatova<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Our USSR moms raised us with the idea that when we grow up, we turn into males\u2019 victims and thus become happy. Strange how we never asked moms how happy they are while existing as victims. Yet, let\u2019s not blame moms \u2014they are just ordinary women, who gave birth to their children. How could they<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":35784,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[71],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35893"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35893"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35894,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35893\/revisions\/35894"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35784"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lopatova.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}